What Makes You Feel Safe?

Last night, we had terrible storms across Georgia. Hannah was downtown at school and I told her that she either needed to come home right then, or make the decision to stay downtown for the night. To my immense relief, she decided to come home, and I felt safer once she walked in the door. I also felt safer once I had found Jenny the Extra Cat and gotten her inside.

Tonight when I was walking the dog, a police officer drove into the neighborhood and stopped to talk to me for a minute. This was Officer McBride, who patrols our neighborhood every week, has joined our neighborhood online forum and makes helpful posts and has even given us his phone number in case we have questions. I had never met him before, but I had certainly heard of him and read his posts. A few nights ago, Hannah and I were walking and another officer stopped to talk to us. While we may not see a complete cessation of crime in our neighborhood, I feel safer knowing that members of the Dekalb County Police Department take a personal interest in our neighborhood, and have taken the time to get to know the neighbors.

I was on an airplane a couple of weeks ago, landing in the middle of a strong thunderstorm. I honestly wondered if I was going to die. I didn't feel safe at all, at least until we were completely on the ground and the doors of the plane opened. I did a lot of praying during that landing, and I'd love to be able to say that knowing that God was there with me made me feel safer. But my complete and total fear obscured any peace that I might have felt. Kind of like how the disciples in the storm-tossed boat must have felt while Jesus slept, I suppose.

But I'm lucky, as are most of the people I know. We live in a country that isn't torn by violent internal political strife. While I'm not wealthy, I have enough to feed and clothe my family, and to keep a roof over our heads while we watch television shows on AT&T U-Verse. So, all things considered, I'm safe. And I'm thankful. And next time I'm on a storm-tossed plane, maybe I'll remember that God really is with me and I should have some faith!

Thanks Miss Linda!

Due to the fact that the advertising agency I worked for resigned the account I worked on, I got laid off right after my maternity leave. This was actually a blessing – Hannah was a bit colicky (translation: screamed for 12 hours a day for 12 weeks), and I don’t know how I could have handed her over to a babysitter without feeling really guilty. After the screaming stopped, I had a few more months of new-mommy bliss with my perfect baby. But I needed to work, and when she was about five months old, I got an interview with another advertising agency.

I lived in Baltimore at the time and the only babysitter I knew of kept a friend’s kids and came highly recommended. But Miss Linda wasn’t interested in taking any babies. I called her anyway and told her that I knew she wasn’t taking babies, but that my interview was right down the street from her house and could I just leave Hannah with her for a couple of hours that ONE day?

When I came to pick Hannah up that afternoon, Linda said that she’d like to keep her again – maybe for a whole day – just to see how it went. When I picked Hannah up the next time, Linda told me she’d keep her full time if I got the job. Apparently her son, Tommy, who was about 10 at the time helped her make that decision.
There were many wonderful things about having Miss Linda watch my child. Linda treated Hannah, and later Sara, as if she were her own child. And so did the rest of Linda’s family. I don’t know if there is a more loving environment for children than Miss Linda’s house. She taught Hannah all sorts of things, gave love and correction in equal doses, and made my life so much easier.

But the very best thing about day care at Miss Linda’s house was that all of Hannah’s firsts – first step, first word – all of those things that mommies and daddies worry about missing – happened at home on the weekend! I’d drop Hannah of on a Monday morning and say “Hannah took a step this weekend!” and Linda would say “You know – it looked like she was on the verge of that on Friday!” In my bliss at mommy-hood, it never occurred to me that Linda was just protecting me until so much later that it didn’t even matter.

I don’t know why I was thinking about this last night, but I wanted to write it down and give Linda McCauley a big dose of love and thankfulness. She was a God-send for my family, and for many other families through the years. So thanks Linda – the Lozanos love you!

A Very Bad Poem (Sorry) for Bonney

Dear Bonney, oh Bonney
You've brightened our lives
You married my brother
in spite of the hives (well, neither of them had hives, but it rhymes with lives)

Your laugh is contageous
you're caring and funny
you're one of my best friends
and my dear brother's honey

Our bocci ball outing
was a high point of my life
The girls beat the boys
the husbands lost to the wives

When we visit you up there
in East Tennessee
it's a vacation for us
and a lot of work for thee

But seriously now
you're a wonderful lady
I'm so thankful that you're my sister-in-law
and I'm hoping that maybe

you had a fantastic birthday
with all of the trimmings
I hope to see you soon
and we can go swimming.

A Top Ten Tribute To My (NOT) Wicked Stepmother

In honor of Jeanie’s birthday yesterday, here are my top ten favorite things about her:

10. She only tried to make me eat liver once.

9. She taught me how to clean a bathroom. I hated those job cards we had but I learned how to keep house.

8. She taught my friends and me how to eat a Cornish Game Hen prior to our chorus banquet so that we wouldn’t make too much of a mess.

7. She put up with our inappropriate dinner time conversations and shenanigans. The real victory was when she finally joined in!

6. She has a wonderful sense of humor (or she wouldn’t have been able to do #7).

5. She married and stayed with my dad in spite of the fact that he had three teenagers living with him. (I think that #6 may have helped her in this!)

4. She decided that she needed to go back to school to become a Vet Tech – even though she was over 60, and no one would have criticized if she had chosen to relax instead. She’s never been one to sit still, though, and she’s always looked to learn more about whatever she’s interested in.

3. She provided me with the best example of how to be a gracious hostess. No guest came into our house without being treated like the most important person in the world.

2. She knows me so well. I was going through a particularly bad time in my life, and Jeanie knew something was wrong. Rather than asking me outright, she set out snacks and glasses of wine and waited for me to tell her and Dad what was going on. That conversation was so important to me, and the support and love she (and Dad) provided still warms my heart.

And my favorite thing about Jeanie is:

1. When she introduces me, she says “this is our daughter Maryann.” Once we got past the rough patch of the first couple of years, she’s always been my parent (I’m lucky enough to have three!) and I’ve always been her child.
Jeanie’s existence in my life has been a blessing, and I’m especially thankful for her.

Happy Birthday Jeanie – I love you!

Happy Birthday Rick

2010 was a hard year for Rick. In the first third of the year, the unfortunate combination of working for a company that sold a very expensive product that might soon be made obsolete by the likes of Netflix and Comcast On-Demand and the poor economy created a perfect storm that ended in Rick losing his job. As we moved through the rest of the year, Hannah graduated from high school and got ready to embark on the next chapter of her life, Rick and his sister spent lots of time on the phone dealing with the realities of having elderly parents, and Rick started a new business venture with a colleague. All-in-all, a stressful year.

But in the midst of this, Rick took the time to tap into his creative side. He started a drawing, using the colored pencils that we had stashed around – Crayola and Rose Art pencils, mostly – none of those fancy high-end “Art” pencils. I think it started as a therapeutic endeavor. And it served its purpose. It ended up as a donation to the silent auction at church, benefitting the outreach efforts, and bringing in, I believe, the most money of any other item in the auction. Each year, everyone waits to see what Rick will create and donate. And this year, he really outdid himself. The photo below gives you an idea of how fabulous this piece is, but really doesn't do it justice. You'll have to visit the Maloney's to see the real one.



As I was considering what to write for his birthday blog, I thought of those things that I appreciate in Rick. I decided to do a “Top 5 Things I Like About Rick” list. I encourage those of you who know and love Rick to comment and let him know what you like best.

1. He’s a great father. No one loves their children more than Rick loves Hannah and Sara. He’s always been an involved. When moms of other babies my kids ages complained about their husbands not getting up with the kids, or not changing diapers, I couldn’t chime in because Rick always did those things. And I appreciated it. And it sealed a relationship with the girls that has remained close and loving ever since. They’re lucky to have him.

2. He’s a great cook. Really. Any of you who have had the opportunity to taste his cooking will agree. If you haven’t, I highly suggest that you try to weasel an invitation.

3. He’s an artist. As evidenced by the picture above, Rick has a creative streak a mile wide. I wish he had the time to indulge in this more. He builds furniture, he’s done stained glass, he takes great photographs. If you can weasel an invitation to dinner, I’ll show you all the pieces we have around the house.

4. He’s a musician. He plays the guitar and mandolin – and even when he’s noodling around, he plays well. That was one of the first things that attracted me to him, actually. I grew up in a family where, if you’re just sitting around, you’ve got a guitar or some other instrument in your lap and you’re noodling. He fit right in. After I’ve showed you the artwork, I’ll have him and Sara play you a duet.

5. He’s a really hard worker. This new business thing has great potential. After the music, you can have him tell you all about it. You’ll see how excited he is about it. And he’s been working his butt off – knowing that the monetary rewards are down the road a ways. Many, if not most of us would have given up and found something less personally rewarding that pays now. But Rick and his business partner have vision. And a great business model. And a work ethic that is hard to find these days.

So, it’s been a hard year, but Rick’s made the best of it, the best way he could. And I’m proud of him for not getting so frustrated that he gave up. And next year is going to be much better - I'm sure of it. Happy birthday, Rick. The girls and I love you.

She's Her Mother's Daughter

When I get the urge to clean, admittedly not as often as I should, I am usually completely focused on the task and won’t stop until it is completely done. When I was in college, this urge would typically happen later in the evening. My senior year, I’d call my friend Michael and he’d come over and sit in the middle of my bed and keep me company until the wee hours of the night. When I was finished, the room would be spotless. Really.

Last night, starting at around 11:00, Sara got the cleaning bug. Her room had hit critical mass, and once she started cleaning, I’m not sure a nuclear attack would have stopped her. Understanding the compulsion to get it finished, I didn’t suggest that she go to bed and pick it back up in the morning. I didn’t suggest that she try to be a little bit quieter. I knew that it was now or never. Sometime around 3:00 am, she was done (except for the vacuuming, which would not have been a good middle-of-the-night activity in a house with others trying to sleep).

For better or for worse, Sara is MY daughter. But I think she’ll be better than I ever was or will be. I took violin for eight years when I was a kid. I was pretty good, if I do say so myself. Sara has been taking for 5 years now, and she will be better than I ever hoped to be. I’ll admit that she progressed more quickly when she started because I worked with her so it was like she had two teachers. She’s got an amazing ear, and genuinely loves playing, and if she decides to continue forever, she’ll be able to do whatever she wants with the music.

After I stopped playing violin, I started singing. Well, I think I actually started singing before I could talk, but I started taking voice lessons when I was fourteen. Sara started singing before she could talk too. And while she hasn’t taken voice lessons yet, I expect that’ll be on the schedule in the next year or so. I love hearing her sing. She has such a sweet voice and a dramatic flair that allows her to make every song her own – I know she’ll be better than I ever was.
On the “poor thing” side, she got a knack for disorganization from me. And a tendency towards procrastination. She was a head-banging temper tantrum queen when she was a toddler – another trait from me. But she’s always been the sweetest, most loving child anyone could ever meet. I don’t know where that came from, but what the heck? I’ll take credit for that too!

She’s one of the funniest people I know – a trait that certainly came from Rick’s side of the family, with a nod towards the politically incorrect tendencies of the Daves and Latane sides of my blood. And the beauty – well both of my children were lucky enough to get the best of both sides rather than the worst!

I can’t wait to see where she goes with all of this. I’m astounded and delighted every day watching her grow into the amazing woman she’ll be. And I’m so proud of her and needless to say, I love her with every fiber of my being.

The 2nd Sunday in Advent

In 2002, I embarked on a 4-year journey called EFM (Education for Ministry). This course was developed by the Episcopal Semenary at The University of the South in Sewanee, TN, and is designed to help lay people explore their own call to lay ministry in their own worlds.

Each year, during the last class before Christmas, we had a priest do a service for us, and each year, one of the students was tasked with the homily for that service. In 2003, I was the happy recipient of that honor. Copied below is the homily I gave.

Enjoy!

Christmas is my favorite season. I love decorating the house, although I haven’t gotten it all done yet this year. I have a collection of those little Christmas houses that we put out every year – one year the village was invaded by toy soldiers that I gave Rick for Christmas as a joke – last year the people were knocked over by our cat, but every year we put it together again, and every year it looks beautiful.

I also love giving gifts to people. I love picking out just the right thing, and seeing joy on people’s faces if I actually got it right. But I’m not as good at receiving gifts – even the smallest extravagance that is aimed at me makes me feel uncomfortable –and a little undeserving. I’m trying very hard to teach my children to be gracious and thankful when they get gifts – even if those gifts aren’t exactly what they expected or wanted.

But as we all know, Christmas is more than decorations and gifts. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “miracle of Christmas”, and what it is exactly. Most people believe that the miracle is in the baby Jesus. But that is only part of the story for me.

Looking at the two Gospels that have the story of Jesus’ conception and birth, I am struck especially by the stories of Mary and Joseph – two young people caught in a potentially stressful and difficult situation.

Joseph had a lot to lose – especially in those days where wives were possessions and expected to obey and honor their husbands. When he found out Mary was pregnant, Matthew tells us that Joseph had it in his mind to divorce Mary quietly, without public disgrace (he must have been a pretty nice guy to not want to embarrass her publicly) – but once the Angel came to him and told him what was to happen, he simply accepted and did what the Lord commanded him to do.

The situation for Mary was even more difficult. Mary was a young teenager when she was betrothed to Joseph – probably not too much older than my daughter Sara, actually. Now, I know lots of teenagers, and if the angel were to come down today to any of them and tell them that they were going to be impregnated by the Holy Spirit and be the mother of the Messiah, I’m sure he’d hear plenty of arguments and words of disbelief. “No way!” they’d say – “I won’t fit into my new jeans if I’m pregnant, and besides, I have to try out for cheerleading in the spring. My reputation will be ruined!” Mary, on the other hand, only asked “how will this be?” In spite of the potential for losing her fiancée, and the very real possibility of public disgrace for being pregnant out of wedlock, Mary only asked “how will this be?” She didn’t say “No way – I’m not risking my future happiness and reputation on something like this!” She didn’t complain and try to bargain with the angel. She only said “I am the Lord’s servant…May it be to me as you have said.”

Mary recognized this challenge as the most wonderful of gifts, and accepts it gracefully and gratefully. In the Magnificat, she says “my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.” She rejoices! The miracle of Christmas, to me, is these two young people’s ability to simply say “yes” to God.

How many times a day are we faced with moral decisions, some more difficult than others? Should I give the homeless man on the street a couple of dollars? Should I stop on the highway to help someone who has broken down, even if I’m a little late? Should I discipline my child, even if their grounding will be harder for me than for them because I’ll have to put up with their grousing for a week?

How many times a day do we feel a little tug from God to make changes in our lives – sometimes big changes, but sometimes just small ones? And how many times do we either ignore that tug, or say – “I know I need to do that, but it’ll be too hard today – maybe tomorrow – maybe next week – maybe that’ll be one of my New Year’s Resolutions.”

Mary and Joseph were humans just like us – and being human had the God-given benefit of free will. They could have said – “No way” or “Maybe next year” or even “Why me?” But they didn’t. God asked a huge sacrifice from each of them, and they both simply said “yes” because they knew that they were getting the greatest gift of all.

Sometimes it’s hard to see things as gifts, especially if we’re hurting or disappointed. Oftentimes it’s hard for me to believe that I deserve the bounteous gifts that God gives me every day and I’m sure others often feel the same way. I pray that we all are given the wisdom to gracefully accept the things in our lives as the gifts they are. My other prayer for myself and for all of us this Christmastime is to try to say “yes” to that little voice in our heads that is telling us the right thing to do – that is telling us what God would have us do. Even if it’s difficult.

And in the meantime, I hope we all take the time this Christmas to enjoy our families and friends, and to give thanks for the great gifts we have received this year. And to look forward to a year where we can simply say “yes” more frequently.

Amen