Thin Places

I recently returned from a 9-day pilgrimage to England with a group of 16 teenagers from our church. Before I left, I wondered if I’d need a vacation after I got back – keeping 16 teenagers in line can be a daunting task, but these particular teenagers were wonderful traveling companions and exceeded all of my expectations. I had known most of these young people for at least two years, and lead their Sunday School class for that time, but I got the opportunity to learn much more about who each one of them is – and they’re all pretty amazing.

We were blessed to have a guide, Molly Wren, from a company called Wonder Voyage, who took care of all of the logistics of the trip, as well as much of the spiritual leadership. Having someone there who had taken care of where we’d stay, what and when we’d eat and where we’d go every day freed the leaders to not only focus on the kids, but also to have our own spiritual journeys. One of the many things I really like about Molly is that she speaks to God and about God in ways that the kids aren’t necessarily used to. We’re Episcopalians, after all, and sometimes I think we get bogged down in the “corporate” prayers and don’t focus on praying in our own way. She set a great example for them as well as me about how one might maintain a very personal relationship with God.  She’s also a massive prayer warrior, and if I ever needed someone to be on my side for a particular prayer need, she’s the first one I’d call on.

One evening, at our usual meeting with the kids about our day, Molly brought up the Celtic tradition of “thin places”, which are places “that give us an opening into the magnificence and wonder of [God’s] presence” (copied from an article on explorefaith.com by Sylvia Maddox). While the entirety of the trip was magnificent, there are a few specific instances of “thin places” that keep coming back to mind.

We flew in overnight on Saturday night and spent a good portion of the day Sunday traveling to Canterbury and getting settled into the hostel. Monday morning, we walked to Canterbury Cathedral – the seat of the Anglican Church from which our church evolved – and attended a Eucharist service in the Crypt, which dates back to the 11th century and is the oldest existing part of the Cathedral. There were about 20 or so other people there, and many of them were seminary students from mostly Africa who had attended a conference at the Cathedral the previous weekend. The real goosebumps came when we were invited to recite the Lord’s Prayer, each in our own language. It’s so easy to forget that there is a vast world out there, but hearing the different tongues opened my mind to the wonderful fact that God is bigger than each of us would make Him. And hearing that familiar service spoken with a British accent was a delight that we experienced several times throughout the trip!

The next day we traveled to the White Cliffs of Dover and hiked to the lighthouse – about four miles round-trip. God blessed us with wonderful weather that day, and the exertion of the hike, the beauty of the surroundings and the individual and small-group conversations I got to have with many of the kids made the day for me. We sat in a field and ate our lunches and wrote in our journals, and took in the loveliness of creation. It was stunning and peaceful.

The last day was a Sunday, and we were in London by then. We attended mass at St. Martin in the Fields, London, which is a beautiful church with an awesome choir. On this particular day, many of the choir members were absent, but the remaining ones sounded amazing without them. As the choir was walking out and singing the final hymn at the end of the service, a bird fluttered in front of the massive glass window above the altar. I know it was probably a pigeon, but the shadow could just have easily been a dove sent from God, and the combination of the beautiful music and the bird gave me chills. I know a few of my travel companions saw it too, and they had the same reaction.

In the interest of time, I’ve only mentioned a few places that were “thin” for me. We visited Westminster Abbey and the British Museum, climbed about a billion steps to the very top of St. Paul's Cathedral, we saw a show, a 90 year-old friar and the Crown Jewels - it was a trip packed with once-in-a-lifetime experiences. These experiences, combimed with my time with the other leaders, Bill, Carrie, David and Molly, and with the kids on an individual and group basis made it the most fulfilling spiritual experience of my life.

Once home, I was filled with the notion that what I’m called to do is to continue working with young people, teens especially, and help find a way to open their eyes to God’s wonder and promise. To be a mentor , friend and teacher in whatever capacity I can be. As I explore this calling, I’d appreciate your prayers and encouragement. I don’t know where it will lead me, but I know that God does, and that’s enough for now.

Happy Birthday Phillip!

I was trying to decide what to write for my brother Phillip who is celebrating his birthday today. First, I thought I might talk about the time he and his friends were jumping off the hood of my father’s Valiant and I decided to jump off as well and landed on my face. But when I reminded Phillip of this story, he sheepishly said “Um…Maryann…I don’t think you jumped.” So that wouldn’t be a very nice story would it?

Then I thought I might tell the story of the day he trashed Carole’s room and I got in trouble for it. He didn’t admit this until about 15 years ago, but telling that story would sort of sound like sour grapes, wouldn’t it?

Phillip and I fought like cats and dogs all through our childhood. Carole tells the story of the three of us in the back of our Volkswagon van – Carole in between Phillip and me – and the two of us shooting birds at each other. Two handed birds, I might mention – we really meant it!

Then Phillip left for college. I cried like a baby. And he’s been pretty much my favorite person ever since.

My favorite memory of my teen-age years was the summer Phillip and I drove together up to Nags Head, NC for a family reunion. We listened to music all the way up there, and talked, and when we got close to the conference center, we thought we were lost. We stopped at a phone booth and called, and it turned out that we were right across the street from where we were supposed to be. We could see everyone waving at us (and laughing probably). It was probably the first time we had spent an extended amount of time together without fighting, and it was delightful.

These days, Phillip is living in Knoxville, and I don’t get to see him nearly enough. He has three amazing daughters, who I love very much, and a wonderful wife who I love as well. Phillip’s probably the smartest person I know, and probably also the funniest person I know. Here’s wishing him the best birthday ever.

I love you Phillip – you’re the best big brother anyone could ever ask for – in spite of the plastic ants on top of my jello salad!

I’m a big fan of Facebook. Like many people of my generation, Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with many people from my childhood – my very best friend from elementary school as well as people that I went to high school with. I’m always delighted when I get a friend request from someone I haven’t heard from in a while.

Recently I got a friend request from someone whose name sounded familiar, so I accepted it. When I went to her info, I realized that I have no idea who she is. She’s originally from North Dakota – I do know three people from North Dakota, which I think is some kind of record – but not her. She lives in Seaford, Delaware now, and of course we know people from Delaware (Rick hails from there), but as far as I know, she’s not on the list. Be that as it may, she sent me a message a few days ago asking me to take a look at a note she posted in response to someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of God.

In her defense of the existence of God, she says that the evidence is overwhelming and goes on to say that the heavens declare the glory of God, that the person’s very existence is evidence of God. As I was reading this, it struck me that if I were the person who doubted, this argument would not have convinced me. If I don’t believe in God, the beauty of life – flowers that bloom in glorious colors, the wondrous stars that shine in the sky, the amazing miracle of birth – is just a beautiful coincidence.

A few years ago, I read A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. Mr. Bryson wrote this wonderful book in an effort to understand the questions we have posed about the universe and ourselves, from the Big Bang theory to the rise of civilization and pretty much everything in between. The website says “Bryson seeks to understand how we got from there being nothing at all to there being us.” He has sections about Geology, Archeology, Botany, Astronomy – all the sciences that provide information and theories about how life started and how it has changed. Some people might take this scientific information as proof that God does not exist. I, on the other hand, continued to be amazed at God’s creation as I read.

It is difficult for me to believe that something so ordered and exact could be a happy fluke. Take the creation of a baby, for example. That a wiggly tadpole-looking thing knows to swim to the right place and knows what to do when it gets there pretty fascinating. But the explosion that happens when it meets its mark is nothing short of amazing. And that that explosion ends up looking like a little human is a wonder. And that that little body, which has owed its existence up to birth to a cord tied to its mommy, knows to open up its mouth and take a breath – well that’s just a miracle, and evidence to me of God’s great creation. It’s too intentional to be a fluke – at least to my mind.

And let’s talk about the ties that the oceans have to the moon. In simplistic terms (by way of Google), the moon and the earth are attracted to each other just like magnets. The moon tries to move the stuff on the earth closer to it, but the earth can hold onto everything except the water, because the water is always moving. There are two low tides and two high tides in most places every day. In my mind, this process is too orderly to be a coincidence – I see God’s hand here, creating the gravitational pull between the two masses, moving His arms like a conductor as He moves the seas to and away from the earth.

As a final thought, I’ll put some lyrics from one of my favorite songs, “Poetry” by Pat Green. This sums up my feelings. And I don’t kid myself that my musings here would turn someone’s doubts to belief, but maybe it would give cause for pause?

“Now, somebody made everything
From the soul inside out to Saturn's rings
How my baby smiles and how Ray Charles sings
Of course we were created.
The clouds make rain, the ocean makes sand
The earth breathes fire, and lava makes land
Now that took a mighty hand
And a wild imagination”

Of course we were created!

What Makes You Feel Safe?

Last night, we had terrible storms across Georgia. Hannah was downtown at school and I told her that she either needed to come home right then, or make the decision to stay downtown for the night. To my immense relief, she decided to come home, and I felt safer once she walked in the door. I also felt safer once I had found Jenny the Extra Cat and gotten her inside.

Tonight when I was walking the dog, a police officer drove into the neighborhood and stopped to talk to me for a minute. This was Officer McBride, who patrols our neighborhood every week, has joined our neighborhood online forum and makes helpful posts and has even given us his phone number in case we have questions. I had never met him before, but I had certainly heard of him and read his posts. A few nights ago, Hannah and I were walking and another officer stopped to talk to us. While we may not see a complete cessation of crime in our neighborhood, I feel safer knowing that members of the Dekalb County Police Department take a personal interest in our neighborhood, and have taken the time to get to know the neighbors.

I was on an airplane a couple of weeks ago, landing in the middle of a strong thunderstorm. I honestly wondered if I was going to die. I didn't feel safe at all, at least until we were completely on the ground and the doors of the plane opened. I did a lot of praying during that landing, and I'd love to be able to say that knowing that God was there with me made me feel safer. But my complete and total fear obscured any peace that I might have felt. Kind of like how the disciples in the storm-tossed boat must have felt while Jesus slept, I suppose.

But I'm lucky, as are most of the people I know. We live in a country that isn't torn by violent internal political strife. While I'm not wealthy, I have enough to feed and clothe my family, and to keep a roof over our heads while we watch television shows on AT&T U-Verse. So, all things considered, I'm safe. And I'm thankful. And next time I'm on a storm-tossed plane, maybe I'll remember that God really is with me and I should have some faith!

Thanks Miss Linda!

Due to the fact that the advertising agency I worked for resigned the account I worked on, I got laid off right after my maternity leave. This was actually a blessing – Hannah was a bit colicky (translation: screamed for 12 hours a day for 12 weeks), and I don’t know how I could have handed her over to a babysitter without feeling really guilty. After the screaming stopped, I had a few more months of new-mommy bliss with my perfect baby. But I needed to work, and when she was about five months old, I got an interview with another advertising agency.

I lived in Baltimore at the time and the only babysitter I knew of kept a friend’s kids and came highly recommended. But Miss Linda wasn’t interested in taking any babies. I called her anyway and told her that I knew she wasn’t taking babies, but that my interview was right down the street from her house and could I just leave Hannah with her for a couple of hours that ONE day?

When I came to pick Hannah up that afternoon, Linda said that she’d like to keep her again – maybe for a whole day – just to see how it went. When I picked Hannah up the next time, Linda told me she’d keep her full time if I got the job. Apparently her son, Tommy, who was about 10 at the time helped her make that decision.
There were many wonderful things about having Miss Linda watch my child. Linda treated Hannah, and later Sara, as if she were her own child. And so did the rest of Linda’s family. I don’t know if there is a more loving environment for children than Miss Linda’s house. She taught Hannah all sorts of things, gave love and correction in equal doses, and made my life so much easier.

But the very best thing about day care at Miss Linda’s house was that all of Hannah’s firsts – first step, first word – all of those things that mommies and daddies worry about missing – happened at home on the weekend! I’d drop Hannah of on a Monday morning and say “Hannah took a step this weekend!” and Linda would say “You know – it looked like she was on the verge of that on Friday!” In my bliss at mommy-hood, it never occurred to me that Linda was just protecting me until so much later that it didn’t even matter.

I don’t know why I was thinking about this last night, but I wanted to write it down and give Linda McCauley a big dose of love and thankfulness. She was a God-send for my family, and for many other families through the years. So thanks Linda – the Lozanos love you!

A Very Bad Poem (Sorry) for Bonney

Dear Bonney, oh Bonney
You've brightened our lives
You married my brother
in spite of the hives (well, neither of them had hives, but it rhymes with lives)

Your laugh is contageous
you're caring and funny
you're one of my best friends
and my dear brother's honey

Our bocci ball outing
was a high point of my life
The girls beat the boys
the husbands lost to the wives

When we visit you up there
in East Tennessee
it's a vacation for us
and a lot of work for thee

But seriously now
you're a wonderful lady
I'm so thankful that you're my sister-in-law
and I'm hoping that maybe

you had a fantastic birthday
with all of the trimmings
I hope to see you soon
and we can go swimming.

A Top Ten Tribute To My (NOT) Wicked Stepmother

In honor of Jeanie’s birthday yesterday, here are my top ten favorite things about her:

10. She only tried to make me eat liver once.

9. She taught me how to clean a bathroom. I hated those job cards we had but I learned how to keep house.

8. She taught my friends and me how to eat a Cornish Game Hen prior to our chorus banquet so that we wouldn’t make too much of a mess.

7. She put up with our inappropriate dinner time conversations and shenanigans. The real victory was when she finally joined in!

6. She has a wonderful sense of humor (or she wouldn’t have been able to do #7).

5. She married and stayed with my dad in spite of the fact that he had three teenagers living with him. (I think that #6 may have helped her in this!)

4. She decided that she needed to go back to school to become a Vet Tech – even though she was over 60, and no one would have criticized if she had chosen to relax instead. She’s never been one to sit still, though, and she’s always looked to learn more about whatever she’s interested in.

3. She provided me with the best example of how to be a gracious hostess. No guest came into our house without being treated like the most important person in the world.

2. She knows me so well. I was going through a particularly bad time in my life, and Jeanie knew something was wrong. Rather than asking me outright, she set out snacks and glasses of wine and waited for me to tell her and Dad what was going on. That conversation was so important to me, and the support and love she (and Dad) provided still warms my heart.

And my favorite thing about Jeanie is:

1. When she introduces me, she says “this is our daughter Maryann.” Once we got past the rough patch of the first couple of years, she’s always been my parent (I’m lucky enough to have three!) and I’ve always been her child.
Jeanie’s existence in my life has been a blessing, and I’m especially thankful for her.

Happy Birthday Jeanie – I love you!