Thankful

The news in the past week or so has been filled with tragedy – flooding in Colorado, mass shootings here and abroad. It would be understandable if one felt the weight of hopelessness in light of a world where these kinds of things happen to God’s people.

But for me, the past week or so has been filled with moments of joy. Sara’s 17^th birthday was Thursday the 12^th, and with the exception of dealing with roads being closed off because of a race, we had a really nice night. One of my favorite things to see and hear is Hannah and Sara having fun together, and this night was no exception.

 Hannah’s birthday was this past Wednesday – her 21^st – and again we had a fun family dinner, accompanied by Hannah’s good friend Nicole. Not every daughter would want to celebrate her 21^st birthday, ON the day, with her parents and little sister. We’re lucky like that – Hannah still seems to like being around us. And we all sure love having her around. I’m thankful that she chose to go to college here in Atlanta so we get to see her more often than other parents of college students get to see their kids.

 Move forward again to Saturday. I served at the 5:30 service at church and then got to take my godmother, Beverly, to dinner, along with Hannah and Sara. Bev is the reason my family goes to St. Martin’s, and for that I will always be grateful. Her husband, my godfather, Don, passed away in August, and I know that she’s been very sad. They were together for more than 65 years, and I’m not sure I've witnessed a better partnership. I neglected them while Don was ill, and I will always regret that. So I've made a promise to myself to take time with Bev. It’s an easy promise to keep – she’s a delight and I love her very much. We had a wonderful time – a very joyful evening again.

Today the ladies of the church held a baby shower for Mother Lauren Kuratko. (I love telling people that one of our priests is pregnant.) Lauren is one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever met. I love listening to her preach, I love it when she’s the celebrant at church, and I love just spending time with her. She lights up a room when she comes in, and pregnancy has just enhanced that. Another joyful event – and one full of anticipation for more joy once her baby boy is born.

As I sat in church again tonight, I recognized how blessed I am. I have a new job that I love, I have a wonderful family that I love, and I have a church home that I love. The world swirls around us, for better or for worse, and tomorrow might bring some sadness or trial to me and those I love. So tonight I’ll say out loud how much God has blessed my life, in hopes that when the opposite of joy comes, as I know it will, I might remember and keep things in perspective.

From A New Zealand Prayer Book:

            We thank you Lord Jesus, for the day you have given us, and for

            all the pleasure we have had. Guard us while we sleep, and bless

            all those we love, this night and for ever. Amen

An Open Letter to the Dekalb County School System

Disclaimer: I believe I have the facts correct here, but any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

  

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I hate be the one to bring bad news to you all, but I feel that you need to know that someone in your organization, maybe more than one someone, is…well, how to say this in a respectful way? Someone (or more than one someone) is not the brightest bulb in the box.

If you recall (I’m sure you don’t, actually - I'm guessing no one in the school system was actually listening), last May, the parents of chorus students at Chamblee Charter High School were outraged that you chose to not renew the contract of our beloved chorus teacher, Greg Smith. You were inundated with emails and petitions begging you to renew his contract. I suggested via several emails and in my blog (http://mal615.blogspot.com/2012/05/outrage.html) that this was a colossal mistake on your part for several reasons. Not only were you NOT acting in the best interest of the talented students at Chamblee, you    acted with complete disregard for several  teachers' livelihoods. Teachers who had done exactly what you had asked of them.

Let me remind you of the circumstances:

1. You chose (wisely) to promote Dr. Robert Glor to the position of Coordinator of K-12 Choral Music. Unfortunately, you chose to do this after the 2011-2012 school year began so you needed to find a new chorus teacher for the school in September.
2. You chose (wisely) to hire Greg Smith away from Gwinnett County to be the chorus teacher at Chamblee. He was amazing, by the way. Great work County!
3. You had all sorts of budget issues that stemmed, in my humble opinion, from complete mismanagement of the entire school system.
4. You did not renew Mr. Smith’s contract – so you took him from a good, stable job in another county, had the benefit of his outstanding work for 8 months and then kicked him to the curb.
5. Oh – and you let Dr. Glor go as well.
6. You reassigned a teacher from the Dekalb School for the Arts to Chamblee to teach chorus. Great idea, except for the fact that while apparently he has a beautiful voice, he’s a BAND teacher. And he really loved being at DSA.
7. It takes a couple of months, but the new chorus teacher and the kids start to bond – he’s getting better at chorusing and the kids are liking him.
8. You REASSIGN the new chorus teacher to a new school. My understanding (which might not be completely accurate due to the 2^nd hand nature of the information) is that he was told on a Thursday and needed to report to the new school on Tuesday.
9. You rehire Dr. Glor to teach chorus at Chamblee. Apparently he starts on Monday, and everyone is thrilled.

I know this sounds like a story with a happy ending. And it is in a way. But my goodness, you people over at the Big School House really threw a bunch of lives into turmoil before you made it right. And that’s what makes me mad.

If you had paid attention to the budget all those years, you might not have promoted Dr. Glor – then you wouldn’t have had to take steps 2-9.

If you had listened to the parents and administration at Chamblee High School, you would have renewed Mr. Smith’s contract. Then you wouldn’t have had to take steps 6-9.

If you hadn’t reassigned a teacher that didn’t have the knowledge and training necessary, you could have just taken step number 9 at the beginning of the year.

Any one of these options would have been better than what you chose to do. You messed with people’s lives. You did NOT do what was best for the students (until now).

I have lost all respect for the people who are running our schools in Dekalb County. Not that they care, by the way. I don’t think anyone in the Big School House cares a whit for the students or the parents. They care about their own cushy jobs and those who have been hired for cushy jobs through the “friends and family” plan that seems to be pervasive in the system.

I respectfully ask that you please get your stuff together. 

Thank you,

Maryann Lozano

Why You Should Hire Me (or at least give me an interview)

As I’ve navigated my way through unemployment and looking for a new job, the most frustrating thing is applying for jobs online. At first, I didn’t realize that lots of companies have computer programs that scan uploaded resumes for keywords. I just assumed that a human would actually take at least a cursory look. But even if a human is looking at the uploaded resume, online applications are still an extremely anonymous, lonely business.

But even if you are able to send your resume to a human, or if you’re lucky enough to know someone who knows someone, that piece of paper can’t tell it all. Fortunately for me, I have this blog forum that at least nine people read, so I can tell them all of the things that my resume can’t say. I've never been much for tooting my own horn, but one thing this little forced vacation has taught me is that no one is going to be a better champion for me than me.

Here are some reasons why a potential employer should hire me:

1. I’m a really hard worker. I’ll do whatever needs to be done - and once I finish my work, I’m happy to help someone else. And I’ll stay as long as necessary to get it all done.
2. I’m smart. I can figure out solutions to problems and I don’t usually need things to be explained more than once. But I’m not scared to ask questions if I need more information.
3. I have a great attitude. I’m the least moody person you’ll ever work with and it takes a whole lot to make me mad.
4. I get along with everyone regardless of their position. I believe that the maintenance man deserves as much respect as the CEO.
5. I’m an awesome team player. I get my work done, but I also make myself available when I can to help the other people on the team because I understand that the team’s success is what makes us all look good.
6. I’m a good writer. I can get my thoughts across succinctly. I’ve written creative briefs, advertising copy, website copy and even a book (plus a blog of course).
7. I’m a great presenter. Almost every job I’ve had has required me to do presentations in front of all sorts of audiences, from co-workers and clients to larger groups of stakeholders. I don’t get nervous.
8. I’m well rounded and mature. I have a good life – a great family, lots of good friends and I’m very active at my church. These things make me a better employee and co-worker.

Maybe one of my nine readers knows someone who knows someone, and can send them a link to this post. I'd love to be working again!

Happy 16th Birthday Sara!

I was writing Sara’s 16^th birthday blog post and I read back through the one I wrote last year. I realized that what I had written for this year was basically the same. So I regrouped and pondered what to say instead.

Since Sara’s 16 now, I don’t get the opportunity to bestow words of wisdom on her very often. I figured since this is my blog, I get to say what I want whenever I want. So here it is, baby. Here’s what I want you to know:

1. Don’t ever stop singing. Even when you think or know that someone is listening at the door, don’t ever stop. You have a God-given talent, and it makes you really happy. So keep on, and don’t get nervous when others are around. They should get some enjoyment out of life too!
2. Don’t lose your sense of joy. You approach life with an open heart most of the time. While this might make you more vulnerable to hurt sometimes, it will also allow you to feel so much more love and happiness than you would if you were more cautious. This is one of my favorite things about you.
3. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re pretty awesome. You’re smart, talented, beautiful and a joy to be around. I know I’m biased, but I’d bet you lots of money that most of the other people who know you feel the same. There’s no need to doubt yourself – you’ve worked through some of the hardest things I can imagine for a young lady, and you’re strong.
4. Keep exercising, eating right and getting enough sleep. I promise you’ll feel great for the rest of your life if you do. And you’ll keep looking great too.
5. Don’t ever doubt that your family loves you. We’ll love you no matter what – you can’t get rid of us. Sometimes you might wish you could J but sorry, you’re stuck with us.
6. Keep reading. Reading opens up all sorts of worlds to you. It’ll make you wonder things you might not have thought about before. It’ll make you mad and sad and really happy. But to lose yourself in a great story is a wonderful vacation!
7. Keep going to church. And when you’re gone to college and beyond, find one that feeds your soul. It doesn’t matter what denomination, all that matters is that you take some time to seek comfort, give thanks and give back on a regular basis.
8. Don’t lose your empathetic nature. You care so much for others – and what a gift it is for someone in need when you show that love and care. There aren’t enough people in the world who care for others like you do. Even small things, like the day you helped that poor man at Kroger who spilled the fruit salad. You make a difference.

Sara, I don’t know if I can ever express to you how much I love you, and how proud I am of you. You take my breath away.

It's All Right To Cry

I just finished reading Stephen King’s “On Writing.” I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in writing, not just because it gives lots of fantastic tools and suggestions, but because it is the most encouraging book on the subject that I’ve read. Whether you are an accomplished writer or just someone who wants to transfer something from your brain onto a blank piece of paper, King gives you permission to do it. “…you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.”

At the end of the book, he details the horrific accident he had in 1999. One day, around nine days after he enters the hospital, he finally gets up for the first time and walks three steps to the hospital commode next to his bed, sits there trying not to weep, and fails. He says “You try to tell yourself that you’ve been lucky, most incredibly lucky, and usually that works because it’s true. Sometimes it doesn’t work, that’s all. Then you cry.”

These three simple sentences pretty much sum up the last month for me. Yes, I lost my job. But there are several other people from the same company who lost their jobs recently as well, and frankly, I got a better deal. Even if that was only because I had been there longer and the severance policy is more favorable the more years you’ve been there, I’m probably in a better place than they are, at least financially. At least for awhile.

I’m blessed with a wonderful family who loves and supports me. I’ve learned that I am also blessed with amazing friends who love and support me. I am incredibly lucky.

And sometimes that’s enough.

I have things to do – painting our bedroom, working on my second draft of my book, volunteering at the church, searching the web for jobs. I’m busy enough. But sometimes all I can do is hang my head and cry. I don’t do that often, but it happens.

And today, when I was feeling particularly weepy, I was glad to find out that even the most accomplished of us get weepy too. Not that I’m comparing my unemployment to Mr. King’s almost life-ending accident. Don’t get me wrong – he wins that one hands down. But still, reading that line made me feel better about feeling bad. So maybe I’ll cry a little bit tonight. But I do know that I’ll get back to work after I'm done. I’ll probably go write something.

Eucharistic Prayer C

During the month of July, our church is using a different Eucharistic prayer than usual. For those who aren’t Episcopalian, the Eucharistic prayers are used to consecrate the bread and wine. We offer our thanks to God for His great gifts, and remember the life, death and resurrection of His son Jesus Christ. There are four Eucharistic prayer options, all of which offer this thanks and remembrance, but each has its own language. (This is my own interpretation of these prayers - I'm sure a theology scholar has something much more substantial to say about them.)

One thing I love about the one we’re using in July (Prayer C, for anyone who is interested), is that it is much more interactive. Most of the other Eucharistic prayers are recited primarily by the priest but this one has lots of responses for the congregation to say. Prayer C also has some groovy language about God’s creation of “interstellar space, galaxies, suns, the planets in their courses, and this fragile earth, our island home.” What a great summation of our world – the larger one that includes everything above and below, not just the fragile earth, with whose care we have been entrusted.

But my favorite part of the prayer is the language just before the Lord’s Prayer is said. “Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this Table for solace only, and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal. Let the grace of this Holy Communion make us one body, one spirit in Christ, that we may worthily serve the world in his name.”

How many times have I gone to worship and asked only for forgiveness, not for the strength to do God’s will? Many times, doing God’s will is hard – we must “love our neighbor” which doesn't mean liking everyone, but it DOES require treating others with respect and charity. Sometimes we have to stop to help someone with a flat tire, even if we’re in a real hurry to get home. Sometimes we have to forgo something we really want because it’s just the wrong thing to do or have, and we know it. Sometimes we have to listen to someone else's opinions without walking away in disgust. But frankly, sometimes it’s easier to sneak out of church without asking for that strength because if we ask for it, we must own the reasons we need it. If we say it out loud (or in our heads in prayer), we’re admitting to our weaknesses.

And how many times have I forgotten to seek renewal because I’ve been too much in the balcony (links to my first blog post ever about living in the balcony) – so engrossed in my day to day stresses and concerns for the other people who are counting on me that I neglect my own spiritual needs?  

God is not one-sided. God is not only the one who forgives us (or smites us, depending on your beliefs) when we confess those things for which we must ask forgiveness. God loves us – always – warts and all. Whether you believe that He has a specific plan for your life, or you believe that He gave us everything we need and is now silent, we might at least agree that God gives us the tools we need to succeed and be happy. And I know that the things I need for renewal are there for the taking. I just need to dip into the toolbox God has laid before me to find those things.  

Finally, at least for July, I’m going to try to remember the final words of the prayer: “Let the grace of this Holy Communion make us one body, one spirit in Christ, that we may worthily serve the world in his name.” Maybe I can worthily serve the world – or at least my little part of the world – in His name.

Dreams of Flying

I had a dream last night that I figured out how to fly. I was also sort of magic, but the flying was the most awesome part. And it wasn't hard to figure out how to do it either – there was just one thing inside me that I had to tap into, and there I was, rising above the ground. It was fantastic!

I Googled “Flying Dreams” to find out what the dream meant. The website Dreammoods.com tells us that “If you are flying with ease and are enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a new and different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.”

That’s interesting. While I am feeling more relaxed these days due to the lack of work-related stresses, there are many reasons why I’m also pretty worried and frustrated. First, of course, is the fact that I’m unemployed - that can be pretty stressful.

Even more stressful at this particular point in my life is that there are still some critical loose ends relating to my lay-off that I’m having trouble getting tied up. These are things that I would have expected a large company such as the one that gave me my “summer vacation” down to a science – insurance, paychecks, etc. Given the number of people who get laid off in any given year I figured that there wouldn't be any hiccups, but when Rick couldn’t get a prescription filled yesterday because apparently we have no insurance, I got a little bit panicked. I actually considered shelving a home improvement project, thinking it might not be a good idea to climb a ladder until I was sure I was covered.

So it is interesting to me that I had the flying dream last night of all nights. And I was flying with ease – once I figured it out I just lifted myself into the air. I used to have flying dreams a lot, but it’s been a long time, and I was glad to be back in the air.

I do believe that some dreams mean something, and taking the description of what this particular dream might have meant into account, I can see how I might have flown last night. I do have a new perspective on things. I’m applying for jobs almost every day, but I’m not limiting myself to advertising and marketing jobs. That’s really freeing for me, at least in theory. Whether or not I really have to replace my full income remains to be seen, and if I do, I might have to reconsider. But right now, I have the freedom to imagine myself in all sorts of jobs. I do recognize that this is a limited time offer – sometime soon I’ll either have a new job or I’ll be awfully worried about finding one quickly.

As far as feeling a sense of personal power is concerned, of that I’m less sure. Because I’m dependent on others to fix the issues with the terms of my lay-off, I don’t feel like I have much power at all, and I don’t like having to wait for answers on issues that that can affect my family's well-being.

On the other hand, there isn’t anyone who can boss me around but me. In that respect, I have all the power and I’m pretty happy with the way I’ve dealt with it so far. I’m searching job boards and applying for anything that strikes my fancy (and some things that don’t). I helped Sara rearrange her room and I've been blessed to have more time to spend with her and Hannah. I’ve peeled wallpaper and cleaned walls until my arms are sore, and tomorrow I’ll paint (obviously I decided to climb the ladder anyway). I get to choose how I’ll respond to my situation, and I choose to stay busy and positive. It’s not easy, and there are times when I wander around the house trying to figure out what the heck I should do. Fortunately that doesn’t happen too often, and I’ve been able to find something constructive to focus on.

I do hope that this stage of my life doesn’t last long though. But I hope that the flying dreams don’t go away once I’ve found a new job. If I’m lucky, I can work and fly at the same time.

One more thing about that dream. Tom Cruise was in it, and he was a terrible kisser. I wonder what that means?