Prayer Requests

A dear friend sent me a text today, asking for prayers for a family member who is having some health issues. Now, I believe in the power of prayer. I know of an instance where a very powerful prayer warrior got his prayer circle together – probably circling the entire United States, if not the world – and prayed a brain tumor to change colors so that the surgeons could tell the difference between tumor and brain tissue. I myself have had some remarkable, life-changing things happen in response to prayer. But while I know that prayers for her family are in order, I’m not sure that’s what my friend really needed.

I think that she might have just needed some encouragement. Someone who loves her to say, “I totally understand why life sucks right now.” Or, “Gosh, you’ve worked so hard forever, and you’re one of the best people I know. This just isn’t fair.” Or maybe even “You sound like you need a break—how can I help?” But it’s usually easier to ask for a prayer than an ear.

We don’t like to complain. Someone always has it worse than we do, and it feels wrong to bitch about the fact that your house is a mess because no one will clean it but you; or that the mortgage is going to be late again because the power bill was higher than expected; or that a family member is sick and you’re worried, of course, but it’s really hard to get your own stuff done because you have to take care of him/her. Saying any of that out loud feels petty and whiny. Even the big stuff like major illnesses or job losses or *add your own big thing here* can sound bad. This is especially true in the era of Facebook and Instagram, where we put forth our shiny, happy, selves and only rarely expose the painful, dark side of our own lives. Showing the darker side makes us look weak and desperate for affirmation.

But let’s give ourselves permission to text, or better yet, call a friend and say “Man. This really crappy thing just happened and I need to vent. I need someone who loves me to listen to me without judgment. I need some encouragement.”

I hardly ever give myself permission to do that. I’m supposed to be the positive one. And I’m sure my stupid issues are nothing compared to someone else’s problems. So, I’ll just keep it inside. My blood pressure is up, I’m not sleeping well, and I’m angry all the time, but I’m definitely NOT going to bother anyone else with my stupid problems lest I sound like the whiner I believe I am.

So, my friend (I know you know I’m talking to you), I will pray. In fact, I’ll pray for your whole family. But mostly I’ll pray for you and that you know that all you need to do is pick up the phone and text or call. You can count on me to answer, and to commiserate, and mostly to understand. Because I love you. And I know you’ll do the same for me.

My Unsolicited Opinions

I’m supposed to be doing my homework. But I decided to take a 5-minute break and look at Facebook because the Falcons are headed to the Superbowl and a lot of my friends are super excited about that. I like seeing posts from friends who are super excited.

A lot of my friends and family, men and women, also marched yesterday in support of women and they posted about that. I really liked seeing those posts.

But a few of my friends have posted long missives about why they don't support the march, which is okay because I'm all about how being allowed to have different opinions is one of the things that makes America great. So here are my opinions. 

My observation about the anti-march posts is that it looks like most of the posts are ones that have been copied onto walls from someone else’s page (which I have done at least once as well, when a post written by my niece mirrored exactly my feelings on the 2016 election). There are two that seem to prevail. One berates the organizers of the march in Washington for disallowing pro-life feminist groups from being sponsors. The other goes on about how “I’m a women… I make my own choices…stop being a victim…protest about things that matter like women’s rights in countries where they are supremely held down.”

First of all, I think it was unfortunate that any women’s group, including the pro-life feminist groups felt disinvited to the party.  I agree that women throughout the world are marginalized, and whether or not you are pro-choice should not be a reason that you aren’t allowed to support women’s causes.  But seriously – some of the posts sounded like there is some conspiracy to encourage all pregnant women to have abortions.

Let me say that NOT ONE person I know who is pro-choice (myself included) is pro-abortion. Abortion is a terrible thing – I am not pro-abortion. So let’s make sure not one girl or woman is in a position to even have to worry about whether or not to get an abortion. Let’s teach our girls about birth control, and having respect, and taking responsibility for their own bodies. Let’s teach our boys about birth control, and having respect, and to take responsibility for their own bodies, and to understand that an unwanted pregnancy is generally  much worse for the girl than for the boy. Let’s stop rape and child abuse and incest. BUT…let’s agree that if an unwanted pregnancy happens, it is very possible that if abortion isn’t a legal alternative, there are women who will find someone to perform one anyway. Someone in a dirty, unsanitary back room. Someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. Someone who can KILL that girl.

Secondly… and I apologize ahead of time for the disgusting profanity copied below...

Is there any woman out there who thinks Donald Trump’s well-publicized description of how he tried to “move on” a woman is okay??? 

Some of the people I know who have posted these canned responses to the march have sons. I want to ask them- "if your son said 'I moved on her like a bitch' and 'grab them by the pussy,' would that be okay with you? Or would you just say 'well… boys will be boys?'' I have to believe that the latter is true if this doesn’t make you physically sick. I don’t care how long ago it was, it’s wrong and perverted. It shows a gross lack of respect for women that we cannot let go unchecked. If we don't continue to let the president and congress know that we won't stand for this type of treatment then it will just get worse. To not say anything against it is to condone it.

Just to be clear, I have friends who I respect who voted for Trump. This isn’t a rant against people who voted for Trump.  But rather than troll anyone’s Facebook post, I figured I’d just get it out here and then let it go. Now back to my homework…

The Ripple Effect

Many of my friends and family are really upset about the outcome of the election. If you know me at all you know that I am too.

But this isn’t a political post.

I’ve had several conversations over the past couple of weeks about how an individual can affect change. There are people out there who can make a large-scale impact on the world. Mother Teresa, for example, or Elon Musk.  But just because my scope of influence is way, way smaller than theirs, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make a difference that matters. And that’s not just true of me, of course. Anyone can.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the scope of whatever disaster you imagine will happen because of [insert catalyst here – Trump’s presidency, illegal immigration, terrorism, global warming – whatever it is that keeps you up at night]. But I know that I can’t change the results of the election. I can’t slow down the melting of the icecaps. I can change my own behaviors so that my contribution to environmental issues is minimized, but I alone can’t fix it.

What I can fix is one child’s ability to read or do their math problems. I can fix a family’s ability to eat healthy food for a week. I can hold someone’s hand while they wait for news from the operating room. I can provide a woman living at a shelter an outfit to wear to a job interview.

My point is that if we want to change the world, we need to start in our communities. If you are frustrated or angry with the state of your community, state, or country, go out and make a difference on your street. Imagine the impact if everyone did just one thing. Imagine if everyone did just one thing every month.

This was what I was telling my brother Tuesday night. Then on Thursday, the leaders of the company I work for said the same thing – it’s time to take care of our communities. And lest you think it was all just talk, they put power behind their words. All employees at 22squared now have 5 VTO days per year to take for volunteer efforts, and if someone is involved in a larger-scale program, they can apply to take a whole month.

I’m grateful to be working for a company that encourages community service. The next step is finding more opportunities to make an impact – to throw a small pebble into the pond and see the ripples grow.

What will you do?

Grieving For My Friend

My friend Sebastian Benjamin died last Sunday night. I am heartbroken for his family. His wife is a friend - I actually introduced them. And he has three beautiful children whose lives will be forever affected by the loss of this man.

I don’t remember meeting Sebastian. We worked together at JWT Atlanta, and while he started there a couple of years after I did, I have no recollection of a Sebastian-less JWT. Even though we worked on different accounts, we got to be friends, I’d even say good friends, and we talked about everything.

Sebastian was funny. And he thought I was funny, so he made me feel good. We laughed a lot. For the majority of our time together at JWT, we were just two people in a common orbit, spending time together when we could.

For about a year, I actually worked for Sebastian on the US Virgin Islands account. That wasn’t the best arrangement, as it turned out. I wasn’t what the account person he needed on the account, and he wasn’t the manager I needed. But when I moved on to another account, our friendship remained strong, thank God.

I already said he was funny. He was also smart. And he cared about his friends. And when he smiled, everyone around him was warmed by it. He had a “colorful” vocabulary. He was a pain in the ass because he always wanted the work to be better, and he could never tell the client no. He loved his wife, Kim, and told me many times that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he didn’t deserve her. He was madly in love with his children.

All week, memories of Sebastian have been flooding my mind. After I left JWT, we didn’t see each other much. Lives move in different directions. My last memory of him is at an impromptu party at another friend’s house. We were all sitting out on her balcony, and Sebastian was in the corner, right next to me, and we were all laughing. If I won’t have the luxury of making more memories with him, I’m glad this is what I’m left with. But I’m going to miss that laughter.

Rest in peace, my good friend. And I hope you know how much you were loved. The world is a little less vivid without you here.